I keep thinking about 2009; why? Because it was just over a month since we said goodbye to my eldest and we went along to the city centre fireworks.
When we got there the sky was black, not a dot in the sky. We walked around before assuming a position for the fireworks and there he was; the biggest brightest star in the sky - my boy.
I sobbed all through the fireworks as he should have been there except he had the best view of all up on his star.
That pain. It's still raw. It's still fresh.
I think about princess and taking her to fireworks but again feels bittersweet and I'm hurting inside.
When does this get easier?
I miss my boys and I almost feel suffocated to the point where I can't say this outloud anymore.
Husband said he sobbed the other night thinking about them - why can't he show me he hurts just as much? Why can't he tell me that it's okay still?
