If anyone is reading this, I am sorry but I just feel like I can't talk to anyone at the moment.
I am sat here sobbing because of a stupid mistake by someone else and its not even that big of a deal but for some reason its like the tip of the iceberg.
I want to shout at all my friends and say 'Sorry I am so crap' because I am so emotionally drained at the moment and getting more and more depressive. There is no reason; no trigger, nothing.
My doctor did reduce my anti depressants as she was concerned that my insomnia was due to it being too high but feeling like this now; maybe the insomnia wasn't due to the anti depressants. I am tired still; mainly because princess is waking at night again and the only thing that settles her is a bottle. Bad habit. I know.
Thing is she's grown up so much these last couple weeks; she's not drinking all her bottle at bed time (we still have bedtime cuddles with a bottle) so we put her to bed, awake, with bottle and its empty by the middle of the night and she wants it topped up. Tried taking it away before I go to bed but it makes her worse. Any tips if anyone is reading this?
Tonight, we are going to put her straight to bed and let her drink her bottle by herself (gulp!); see if that works.
Also spied a new tooth this morning too..... but yesterday she was rubbing her right ear and this tooth is at the bottom at the front :-/ #claspingatstraws
I couldn't sleep last night - can't usually when husband comes to bed with me as I am dropping off, he starts snoring, so I wake up to shake him to stop and it continues #viciouscycle
I am also majorily pissed off at falling off the weight loss wagon - 2.5lb on in 2 weeks. I haven't been sticking to it so my own fault really. Going to do clean eating this week to see if that helps..... no fizzy drinks, no crisps, no sweets, no chocolate, no wine #howwillicope?
I do have one concern and I am going to sound majorily stupid for putting this out there but I think saying it out loud even to myself, may help.
I am scared I am pregnant.
Without going into detail, husband had the snip, I have the coil, we usually use condoms too. Snip not been confirmed that swimmers have ceased swimming. But we got caught up in the moment.
I know the likelihood is minute BUT husband said he thinks it would break us up if I did get accidentally pregnant again. At first, I was so hurt and shocked to the core about it; but as the month has gone on; I feel my own worries taking over.
I know I couldn't cope with the thought of another roller-coaster pregnancy. It is just not fair not only on me, but on all those closely involved. Not that I am saying I would terminate the pregnancy, if there was one, but it would take a lot of getting used to.
So it makes me think; if I feel like this, why not do something more 'permanent'? I got the coil as there was no medications involved and it was sold to me that it should stop periods.... not that I have been that lucky. But what would be my options?
Then the other side of the coin...... I can't forget what that medium said to me.... she was right about everything else up until now.... what if I am meant to have another child? She said a boy. A healthy boy. Thing is we wouldn't willing, actively try for another child. So it would be an act of god and I know there are these stories.
See what I mean?! I can't think straight at the moment!
So why do I think I might be pregnant? I have TTC symptoms and if I was trying I would be symptom spotting.
Sore/tender boobs, cramping, and the obvious tiredness.... Struggling to lose weight.... With all 3 pregnancies my tummy has 'swollen' quickly.... Check!
Someone tell me it's not in my head?
