After we lost our littlest one, we debated long and hard on whether or not to try again. In March, we had genetic counselling and they couldn't find a genetic link. She was a very honest woman, she said that there were millions of genes/DNA and they just don't know what they are looking for. It's like you are putting a puzzle together and you know there is a piece missing but you build it anyway and hope that it becomes clear what you are looking for. That is what the scientists are looking for. If that makes sense.
She said she knew we would have a healthy child one day. She was sure of it. We may have to do IVF for it but she was sure.
She started by putting me on a very high dose of folic acid as it had helped women in cases of neural tube defects and, well, "you just never know".
When we saw the consultant in the April, he said he couldn't tell us not to try because it was our decision but he felt that my body needed to recuperate after 2 pregnancies in 9 months.
I felt otherwise.
My husband would say he was unsure of trying again, he didn't want to go through the pain of trying and possibly losing another child. There was something innate inside of me that urged me to try again. No one, medically, would confirm but I just felt that I couldn't carry healthy boys and if I had a girl she would be healthy. I think this spurred me on.
So here we were 6 days post the first anniversary of our eldest, clutching 4 positive pregnancy tests. Happy, elated, petrified, scared beyond belief. But what was that? A tiny glimmer of hope???????
Somehow I felt protected in this pregnancy. I felt from the start that it was a girl, everything just felt different. I was poorly with it, more so than with the boys. I got anxious and upset just before every appointment with the midwife and the consultant. I would tell myself after each one that all was okay and then at the midway point I would begin to waver and right before it, I was a nervous, trembling wreck.
I had been pregnant for the last 3 years.
I had the same midwife for the last 3 years too.
With the littlest, we knew we had to get to the 20 week mark to know if we are 'safe'. But now with this pregnancy, and sadly, from our littlest, we had to get to 16 week mark.
16 weeks = New Years Eve
I don't think I had ever felt so petrified in all my life. I was shaking so much.
With the scans with the boys you could see that there wasn't something right about their hearts. Straight away, you could see that the baby's was equal. I was not a professional, just a professional in heart ache.
The consultant did his bits and bobs and it took an age but then he said the words I had been waiting for.
All looks good
He was a matter of fact kind of guy, straight down the line, no bullshit, and he wouldn't say it if he didn't mean it.
O how the tears flowed! Happy tears for a change.
And a girl too!
The first people we told of course were our boys. Our precious baby boys! Thank you so much!
Obviously we still had the 20 week one to go through but this was a milestone in itself.
It was time to shout it from the rooftops.
