Thursday 21 March 2013

Help

Okay so here goes. I have had two letters addressed to 'The Parents of {ELDEST}'.

The first was an invitation to a genetic study and I was VERY upset about it as it was a shock to have post for him 3.5yrs later. I replied back and did say you know he is dead.

Then I got another letter last week and it was entirely wrong. I didn't even read the form - just phoned (no answer) so emailed and said you know what its upsetting. The head of genetics called me to apologise and asked what we have had and I then read the form 'consent form for adults who lack consent' - WTF?!!!

She was hugely apologetic and said did we still want to partake in the study. It's the DDD study (http://www.ddduk.org/) as she believes we will get the answers we need.

Get the answers we need.

This is bothering me. In as much of the sense of do I want the answers? Of course I want to know if there is a genetic link but I don't want to be told that well we can do something before you get pregnant to stop you having another cardiac baby.

I am done. I am done because I cannot go through the heart ache, the rollercoaster, the worry again. I have my boys in Heaven, I have my human and feline princesses and a soon to be a new puppy.

So I know it shouldn't bother me but it does.


Wednesday 13 March 2013

Mothers Day

It was Mother's Day here in the UK over the weekend and it was gentle and lovely for me.

Last year, I think my husband and I had high expectations of making it perfect as it was my first Mother's Day with an earth bound child and it was perfect. Well as it could be with your two babies in Heaven.

This year,I was happy for a low key day, a day with those I love. I was spoilt by my husband and rainbow and saw my boys too. The great news is we are having a new addition to the family!

No, not another baby!

I'm getting a puppy! I've been broody for a while (if you haven't read back) and been watching and waiting for a dog to give birth. We weren't in the first 7 to get a pup but the family just before us pulled out which meant we had one!

We get to meet him over Easter and then he comes to live with us at the beginning of May. I am slightly worried about the cat as she is my baby and she goes everywhere with me. Even the husband doesn't get a look in unless its on her terms and I'm in sight lol! I'm hoping it makes her more loving as I am writing this, me and the husband are cuddled on the 2 seated whilst she sleeps right in the middle of the 3 seater.

Common sense is to squeeze in beside her but you have no chance as she looks at you in disgust and jumps on the floor and gives you evils! She certainly has control on this house.

Tuesday 5 March 2013

Charity Work

After the eldest died, we threw ourselves into raising money and awareness of his heart condition and now obviously do it for both boys.

Saturday night we had an event and my friend's mum cornered me before the start and told me how proud she was of me. She is like a mum to me too and to hear her say that meant more than she will ever know.

She said how proud of me she is for picking myself up and doing everything that I do and hopes one day, there will be enough research for us all to know why and how to make things better.

She told me that she knew my boys would be proud of me too.

It's heart-warming to hear it as sometimes, even though I do know, its nice to hear that people are proud of you. I can look back now and see how far I have travelled. Don't get me wrong, I know that there is a long way ahead.

Bit like this picture:


I say that because as Mother's Day approaches I am not consumed with making a million memories, I am content with letting them happen. Last year, it was my first ever Mother's Day with an earth baby and it felt important to make it special. And it was.

This is I am happy to be with my husband, princess and visit the boys and feel whole for as long as we are there.