Sunday 21 July 2013

Reading the signs

If, like me, you believe in signs from our angels to show us they are near then this will be a promising read (I hope!).

So following on from my last post about becoming a Godmummy again - the service was lovely - the Deacon made the service.

As a catholic, things are different than in a Christian church. Not meaning to denounce anyone's religion but personally I feel the Catholic Church really does emphasis on the role of the parents and godparents and to quote the Deacon from last weekend - "we are not there to make up the numbers" - which in my experience is what it felt like in a Christian church.

This has a point, I promise.

So after the welcoming and prayers we all head to the font to where the baby is baptised and it is at that point the Deacon points out that there was an extra guest - in the form of a butterfly! 

I have long said that butterflies are my sign the boys are around me and have commented how there is always a white butterfly around us. Usually it flies into the garden and round and off again, if we are in the garden or may do it a few times. On days out, driving etc we always 'see' the white butterfly.

My god daughters baptism was brought forward as she was due open heart surgery on Thursday just gone. I anxiously waited by the phone all day and at 1.38pm I got the text to say all had gone well and earlier than expected! Phew! As I sat in the garden, pondering this and offering up silent prayers of thanks to my boys for bringing her through the surgery safely, a white butterfly flew into the garden and in front of me!

I have no doubt they were saying 'its okay mummy'!

So today is visiting day - where we go and see the boys and spend some time as a family. As we got out of the car, I was busy messaging a mummy who had lost her 16 day old baby girlie on Friday, when my husband called me and told me to look... There were 3 butterflies dancing together before one flew off and two remained dancing together! I watched them with a heavy, but happy heart for 5 minutes before making my way to their special place. 

As we sat there talking, playing and losing ourselves in our thoughts, we could see the two butterflies had separated and were playing either side of the cemetery, either side of their special place. Occasionally coming close to us.

So much comfort and joy.

Saturday 13 July 2013

Friendships

Noun
  1. The emotions or conduct of friends; the state of being friends.
  2. A relationship between friends.

Forming friendships start from the very beginning of life itself and we may lose many along the way because of time, distance, indifference, age etc and we form many new friendships too.

When life throws you hard times its then that we realise who real friends are and who will stand by us no matter what.

The first point of this post is realisation of who I can turn too. Last weekend was a tough weekend for me; it started a few days before. Princess was napping and I was catching up on Facebook and I started crying - I felt just so miserable in life and needed to talk to someone.

I saw one of my dear friends was online - she moved to the other side of the world over a year ago but she usually is always there. Believe me I am a stubborn person and I don't reach out easily to people. Due to the difference in time she was just going to bed and promised to reply in her morning time.

I still haven't heard from her.

So the weekend I posted I was feeling low and upset and one friend commented on it. We are very good friends and I would class her amongst one of my best friends. She and I are also friends with the one I mentioned above.

I wondered to her whether she felt there was issues there and then I poured everything out to her. She is a truly fab friend and the only reason I didn't turn to her the few days before was because I knew she was at work and I 'needed' to talk to someone at that moment.

Said friend from the other side of the world has meanwhile been able to update her Facebook regularly! 

So whilst I feel so hurt and dejected by this friend, tomorrow marks a symbol of friendship.

I am Godmummy to my niece but you almost assume its a natural progression... In May, a good friend asked me and hubby to be godparents to her little boy - her words were that she and her hubby couldn't think of anyone more awesome to guide their son. I've know this friend since she was pregnant with her first so it would be just over 3 years now.

Less than a year ago, I posted on one of the big charities dealing with half a heart conditions about our new fundraising event and a mum saw it. They had just been told their unborn baby girl had a heart condition and they live in the same town as me!

So we have known each other since then and they have become really good friends. Last week she asked me her daughters Godmummy! She said she felt we were meant to be friends - both having babies with HLHS, both being under the local hospital, in the same town, apart of the same church parish... We have so much in common too and it's such an honour to be asked to be anyone's Godmummy! 

So whilst there are a couple of friendships which are on the downside at present for me personally, there are some friendships that pop up and remind you that you really do matter!

So enough of my ramblings for one night!

Xxxx


Sunday 7 July 2013

June 2013

I haven't written for a while as I haven't had time really. June has been a hectic month for us and I've barely had time to think.

Firstly we were away in Ireland for my cousin's wedding and it was lovely being home with all the family! I always feel a bit homesick when we come back to the UK though. Especially as I have two cousins due the end of this year and it pains me to realise that their babies will not be newborns when I see them!

Then I turned 30... Such a milestone but in truth, I don't feel any older! I aged when I lost my babies and to me it's just another step closer until I see them again. As I think about it now, it is such a landmark as I feel really grown up now. They say your an adult when you turn 21 but I feel more grown up, more socially acceptable as a grown up, now that I am 30!

We had a party to celebrate my 30th and princess's 2nd birthday and it was lovely having all my loved ones with us. It didn't come without all the dramas from thein-laws  though. There is always drama where they are concerned! One day I will write it all down... Perhaps in the next bout of insomnia!! Lol!

So princess turned 2 and she really did grow up overnight! She is amazing, and I know every parent says that but she is! However the terrible twos have definitely set in and she is pushing boundaries!

Then to finish the month we had a big family fun day for the charity we set up in the boys' memory! Such an amazing day and even I am in awe of all that we produced!

So July approached and the exhaustion and de-stress happened... Took me a bit longer to get over June than I thought but am hoping I am over it!

June saw me gain 1/2 stone and lose my mojo.. Me and a friend joked at the beginning of the year how we would go to the charity family fun day, size 10s in hot pants... The reality was I was still a size 16!

So first weigh in of July and I have restarted! Having just realised my twitter account and Facebook account are linked, I am hoping to get support emotionally, mentally and skinny-ly (I made that up!)

Love me! Xxx