I've been meaning to update for some time now but never found what I wanted to say. I feel like I have made some progress in my grief and facing my anxieties. I attended a charity open day at the weekend and it was nerve wrecking but the minute I walked in, the person I had ultimately gone to see, found me and we enveloped each other in hugs.
She is the only other person in the UK who knows what it feels like to have lost two children to the same heart defect as I have lost my boys. We share the same pain. We laughed, we cried. Life took us in a circle that it meant we had to wait 4 years to meet each other but it was very much worth it.
We made some new friends, met some old but new friends and had a fab day. Princess loved the creche which confirms she will love Pre-School, it was just hubby and I felt like we were missing our left leg! We worried more about her than she noticed we were gone.
Recently, I have been chatting to an old friend. We used to be so very close and as it does, life got in the way and we didn't talk as much for a while but it's a sign of a good friendship when you can pick up like you've never not spoken for a while.
Dare I say, I feel confident right now in my being. I wish I was skinnier but I am trying, and I am hoping to be sponsored for it. But I feel like I am in control again. I have my routines and my comforts and they are making things be good again.
Mother's Day is here in the UK this weekend coming. I never got Mother's Day with the boys, and this is my 3rd one with Princess. It is also the cat's 4th Birthday. We haven't decided what to do. In my old age, it doesn't seem to matter about 'doing' something, because making memories, love and laughter are all that matter.
It is also a friend's little boy's birthday too, it will be his first birthday in Heaven, aged 5 years old. I've not met the family in person, but talk to dad alot online. His little boy has affected me so much because of the connection to my eldest. The moment when I realised there was just 6 weeks between them in age, yet I got 4.5 months with my little boy, and he got 4 years with his little boy.
I am a big believer in fate and it goes back to the friendship post I did in regards to people coming into your life for a reason, a season or a lifetime.
Right now, I just feel in control, for a change.
