I sit here at the cemetery and wonder why it's so hard at the moment.
I sobbed to my boys and apologised for being so sad. I miss them so much and wish for another life where we were altogether as a family.
My friend had been and left yellow roses. I know it's her even though there is no card. She never forgets them, I know in my rational mind no one forgets them but that simple gesture broke me down. My parents visited over Easter and they always visit them.
It's just so hard, my nerves are shot again. I had a panic attack in our local town on Saturday and couldn't relax at the soft play on Monday. Too many people and it makes me claustrophobic and I feel like I'm choking.
But why? There is no significant reason at the moment. I normally find specific times of the year hard - birthdays, anniversaries, etc.
I'll just plod on...
