I need to write this down because I never want to forget. I can't get motivated as it's still in my head.
I dreamt of you both last night.
I was in a queue to process adoption papers and was extremely nervous. There were two women in front of me. The one being dealt with, was granted fast track. I gulped down some beer (I don't drink beer!), to settle the nerves.
The lady in front of me, I know from my real Facebook friends, she lost her daughter Megan before my eldest died. She's asked if she had any alcohol today and she said 'Yes - to settle my nerves'. She was told off for it.
I quick turn to the person who is with me, I can't tell if they are male or female, getting hysterical, they pass me some chewing gum and reassure me, it was only a mouthful.
The lady in front of me is denied because she drank alcohol.
I am panicking now.
My turn.
The lady checks over my paperwork, all is in order.
She looks at me, takes one of those wooden stick things the doctor uses to look in your mouth. I apologise for the gum, she said it's okay.
She looks back at the paperwork - shit what is she going to say!!!!
"Right, that is all good, everything is in order. I have put you down as urgent and your children will be with you within the week"
OMFG!!!
I run to my husband and tell him we did it - we are getting our boys back!!!!
We go to a room, where it has a one way window, we can see them, albeit very hazy and blurry.
We go home to prepare. How will we fit 3 children into Princess' room? We will have to get bunk beds, I set about trying to get everything perfect.
Husband worries that the boys won't know us as mummy and daddy and I tell him not to be so silly, we are their mummy and daddy.
We get the call.
They are ready.
OMG!
It's real.
We are on a viewing platform, we can see all the children, lined up, with their respective guardian, waiting to go off to their families. There are our boys. I burst into tears.
I tell my husband to go get them.
I watch as he goes down, he is stood a bit in front of them and their guardian tells them to go to him, it's their daddy and they run into his arms.
I still don't see their faces yet.
I can hear him coming with them.
I am nervous.
Oh my gosh, they are so beautiful. Eldest looks a lot like his daddy when he was little, I can't believe how big he has got. My youngest boy, dare I say, looks more like my estranged brother from when he was little. Where Eldest is fair, bordering on blond, his brother, is darker, more like me. A splattering of light freckles across his nose. He has his daddy's hair, as it is now. Only manageable when it's cut neat. Only his hair isn't neat enough as I would have had it. He looks like a proper little boy.
They are so beautiful.
They are mine.
"Shall we call Nanna?" I say... we try to call her but she doesn't answer.
Never mind, let's play and get to know each other.
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My heart is racing recalling my dream, I can't believe it, I just want to go back to sleep and dream some more but I know the moment has gone. Thank you babies for coming to mummy!
