So I tried.
Except I do "really" need them.
I just need the chemical balance to keep me bordering on normal I guess. As the medication got out of my system, I found myself becoming increasingly emotional, anxious, depressive, tired, withdrawn and OCDs creeping back in.
I can feel myself losing the grip on the milestones I had made. For example, I used to never be able to go out to the local town on my own. I could do this comfortably before, I just managed to cope with town-town but we go so infrequently its not an issue.
I have found excuses not to go to the local town lately.
I realised on Sunday afternoon that perhaps actually I wasn't coping. You see, my best friend turns 40 soon and she has planned a girlie weekend in London. I have 'talked' to myself since it was booked so I know I am going away for 2 nights from Husband and Princess (which if you remember I have only gone 1 night away from her and that was March 2012). I was discussing said trip with best friend and writing down the itinerary (another OCD - lists!) and she said Saturday we can do anything, we don't have to stay with everyone (there is a large group of us!) but in that moment I had a panic attack - I don't want to be left alone. I cling to security and she will be my security that weekend.
So I started the tablets again.
Hopefully, my mood will pick up again soon and I'll be more 'normal' again.
