One of the many things I want to teach my daughter is to be kind, always.
Because of what happened before Christmas, it isn't just me who is feeling the hurt from it. She cannot understand why she cannot see her friends anymore. She just wishes that sorry could be enough.
We had been looking for her snuggie bears for a while. She was given one as a baby and has been attached ever since. We bought more in case she inevitably lost one and we had replacements. Before Christmas, she had 3.
Except we couldn't find them, despite turning the house inside out.
I got a text message from the ex-best friend with a picture of them, asking if they were my daughter's. She knew they were. You can't be in someone's life for so long and not know the sentimental value, never mind the comfort value of these bears. So to get the back, we would have to see her.
So I thought.
Instead, she texted to say she was going to be out for about an hour and they were on her doorstep to be collected. Luckily, we were just about to leave to go out to the beach for the afternoon, so we swung by and got them. She couldn't even be an adult and give them to me personally, she had to be a coward and do it that way. I was half inclined to tell her I will be around when it suits me, not her. But I just wanted to draw a line in the sand.
I still don't know exactly what I have done wrong.
I was there for her countless of times, we had lots of laughters, good memories and I thought we had a solid friendship. She seems to have forgotten the times where we got breakfast together, went for a sneaky lunch together, or hung out at her house. The afternoon teas, the park fun, the road trips. The times when I would drop everything to help her when her anxiety was bad and she couldn't go and collect her daughter from school. The times when I would put my one anxiety issues to one side to help her. The times when I loaned her money and she me. When I would drive her places because she couldn't drive on the motorway. The tea. The cake. The biscuits. Our shared love of TV series. The being there for each other. Her wedding planning, her wedding, the puppy, the new baby.
Yet, the reasons I get that she doesn't want to be friends anymore is I turned up early to see her at the hospital when she had the baby, that I cuddled him too much, that I took too many pictures, that I am not like her other friends, that because of my social anxiety, I often go quiet in groups. I am not loud, I am not clambering to be top dog. I have not known her as long as the others. I don't have the memories of when she was 18, 21, 25. Until I was in their circle, I had no girl friends to talk sex, make-up, boys, facials, spa days and girl problems. I never had any of that until she came into my life.
Another reason was that I said that when I was on annual leave after she had the baby, I would be there to help her. How can you help someone who tells you a, b, and c are there. When they don't answer the phone or texts. I can't be blamed for not being there when I wasn't allowed to be there.
For her husband to tell mine that all she wanted was an apology when I apologised 10 times over.
All the things mentioned where things that could have been resolved at the time of them occurring with a simple 'I don't like it when you do.....'. One by one everyone I knew with her, has walked away. Even the ones I knew before I knew her. Her sheep. They obviously have been told something other than the truth, or if they know the truth that they condone her behaviour. Be sheep, but it is also a judgement of your character that you cannot stand on your own two feet and ask how the other person is. How can your conscious take sides so easily? It's not even about sides. It's about being a decent human being and above all that is not the way you treat someone you care for.
She has made me question every single thing about myself. But I know I am not a horrible person. I know I am genuine, kind, caring and I have a big heart. If I make mistakes, I will apologise if I am told it has upset someone. I never want to upset anyone, especially someone I cared so deeply for.
So I am using this as an example to my daughter on how not to treat people. You tell someone when they upset you and give them a chance to change.
Be kind. Always.
You decide on whether a person is a good person that you want to be friends with.
I had managed to go days, even a couple of weeks, without thinking of her and everything that happened. So I am starting again. I know I am not a horrible person. But I will never trust another. We can never be friends again, because I will never forget how she makes me feel.
All numbers are deleted, no social media contact.
But don't you worry, I have screenshot the messages. If anyone cares to read them and decipher what her issue is, feel free.
She swore she would never treat anyone like this because she was treated the same before. Guess you just did. As they say, what goes around, comes around.
Karma.
