Seriously though, I turned 30. A big milestone. Everyone made a big deal of it but it wasn't a big deal to me. Another year older, another step closer to death, which is another step closer to time with my boys. I know its morbid and I am not wishing my life away but for me, I know, when the time comes, I get to have a whole new life with my sons.
I changed when I became his wife.
I changed when I got pregnant with the eldest.
I changed when I became a heart mummy.
I changed when I became an angel mummy, not just the once, but twice.
For me. I feel my life and persona did a 180 degree turn after losing my youngest boy. Nothing ever felt the same and I was definately different. Counselling help me to push the black clouds away and to get some light in. It may be stand up and realise that the worse has already happened and I am just me now.
I think this is when a lot of friends walked away permanently, and that's fine. They may get a second chance or they may not. I am who I am and I have learnt that since February 2010.
Turning 30, for me, is looking back and thinking, well in the last 10 years what have you done:
- Graduated from Uni with second class honours
- Went to Florida
- Got engaged
- Lost weight
- Got married
- Had a baby
- Lost a baby
- Had a baby who flew to straight to Heaven
- Set up (with help) our charity
- Had a baby who has stayed on Earth
So one step at a time, what would I like to achieve in the year that I am 30.... I want to get to 31 and be the weight or clothes size I am happy in, I want to be even more successful with the charity, I want to make sure everyone in my life knows how much I love them and care for them and I would do anything for them....
So, Happy Birthday to Me.... xxx
